Notes from San Francisco

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Posted on 30th June 2010 by Leo in Uncategorized

Post written by Leo Babauta. Follow me on twitter or identica.

So we’re off on our great adventure. My wife Eva and I sold and gave away all our stuff over the last couple of months, packed our bags and took our kids and left Guam.

We’re now in San Francisco and looking for a home.

We arrived in the Bay Area last week Tuesday, to a chilly, foggy, windy city. Pretty much what we’d expected, but the cold was a bit of a shocker to a bunch of islanders from Guam. The first day we went into the city, we were freezing, with our jeans and T-shirts and hoodies. We immediately bought slightly warmer clothes, but it wasn’t enough.

Still, we were thrilled to be in the city, and ready to start house hunting. We saw seven houses the first day, all in the Haight/Cole Valley area, and fell in love with the neighborhood. Since then we’ve looked at five other great neighborhoods (Nob Hill, Mission, Castro, Duboce Triangle, Marina), but none compare to the first.

We want something really walkable, not too spread out and residential, as we’ve given up our cars (for good, we hope). We want to be within a couple blocks of transit — preferably a train — and restaurants, parks, coffee shops, bookstores, libraries, shops and more.

Anyway, we’ve found a few places and are applying. We’ll see how it turns out — cross your fingers for us!

I thought I’d share a few notes on our visit here so far:

  • We watched the Gay Pride Parade (officially the San Francisco Pride Parade) and it was a blast. I lived in San Francisco as a teenager, so I’d seen it before, but it was new and very interesting to Eva and the kids. We got a bit bored when there was a long string of politicians, and left early to explore other parts of the city.
  • There are an amazing number of good little restaurants with charm. We’ve enjoyed a bunch, from Herbivore to Squat & Gobble to Crepes on Cole and more I can’t remember. There seem to be hundreds I still want to try out.
  • We’re staying with my cousin Dominic and his wife Adeline and their beautiful daughter Cordelia in Alameda, which I’ve found to be a great little town. We’re right across the street from the beach, and it’s just lovely.
  • I also stayed for a couple days in Walnut Creek with my Aunt Erin, Uncle Randy and two “kids”, who are actually grown human beings. Last time I saw them, they were kids. We had fun playing basketball, ping pong, foosball, Risk, and watching Giants baseball (lost to the Dodgers!) and World Cup soccer. They’re great people.
  • The last few days have given us just gorgeous weather. Absolutely fantastic. In Walnut Creek, it was over 100 degrees, which apparently is unusual, but in San Francisco it’s been great.
  • We’ve walked or taken transit everywhere. From BART to AC Transit to Muni, everything is clean, fast and on time. I don’t think we’ll have any problems going car-free. We’re learning the systems, and when we need routes or schedules, it’s all on my new Android phone.
  • I got the phone mostly for calls and maps, and don’t tweet or email or Facebook or text very often at all while we’re out on the town. While everyone else seems to like being always connected, I like being disconnected.
  • We’ll adjust to the cold days. I actually love the fog, and have since I was a teenager. It’s magical and gives the city a mystical feeling. It’s a welcome change for me from the sweltering humidity where running in the midday heat was out of the question.
  • Still, I miss Guam. Especially our family members. There was a heartbreaking scene at 2 a.m. in the Guam airport when we left, as dozens of family members came to see us off. I believe they were mostly there because of our kids, but they said goodbye to me too because I happened to be there. There were enough tears to grow crops. I have to admit I cried on the plane, thinking about not seeing my family every day.
  • We did the tourist thing and walked through Chinatown — down the main drag on Grant. It’s fun being a tourist, as much as locals all over the planet sneer at tourists. We haven’t done the Fisherman’s wharf bit yet, but you can be sure we will.
  • My Uncle Randy got us all Giants caps, so we’ll start to blend in with the locals. I used to wear a Giants cap every day as a teenager, imagining myself as Will Clark or Kevin Mitchell or Jose Uribe or Robby Thompson. I hated the A’s back then (especially after they beat the Giants in the ‘89 World Series), but I love them now. I can’t wait to go to ballgames for both teams.
  • We’ve found so many little shops we love. Swankety Swank, near Haight Street, is perfect. We met Yabette, who takes well-made used furniture made of good wood, and paint beautiful things on them. She turns what some might consider junk into art. There are 20-plus other local artists and artisans represented there, from comic book art to T-shirts to hand-made furniture by a collective of craftsmen.
  • The Mission seems so alive. Bursting with colors from murals on nearly every street, it’s filled with energy, with great food, a little grittiness. While the Marina is pristine, the Mission has an edge. I prefer the edge, Eva prefers safety (at least for living — she wants the kids safe, for some reason).

Lots more I could write, but I’ll fill you in later. For now, I’m headed back out on the streets of San Francisco. If you see me, say hi.

—

In other news

Zen Habits was honored by TIME magazine this week, being named to to its new Best Blogs of 2010 list (topping the list, it seems). Obviously I’m grateful and humble for this recognition. I was on the list for 2009 as well … which kinda puts some pressures on me to keep the quality of this blog at a decent level, I guess. Good problem to have, though.


Which Gang do you Belong To?

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Posted on 30th June 2010 by Craig Harper in Uncategorized


Lessons on the Freeway

So there I was, cruising along the freeway at 110 kph (70mph) on my big, comfortable Suzuki, complete with the electric (up/down) screen to deflect wind and rain, full-face helmet (which covers the entire head, including face), waterproof jacket (with body-armour inserts) and waterproof gloves, when a guy on a Harley passes me doing around 120 kph (75 mph). Gotta say, he looked much cooler than me. Complete with open-face helmet (no face protection), a pair of teeny tiny sunglasses, no gloves, no screen (to deflect wind), some ripped jeans and an old leather jacket (not waterproof) with his gang symbol on the back. He probably thought I was just another big tosser on a Japanese bike. He may have been right.

Commitment to the Cause

With the wind nearly blasting his head off (courtesy of his open-face helmet) , the cold giving him frostbite on his fingers, face and knees and the combined noise of a Harley with shotgun exhaust pipes (that means loud!!) and an open-face helmet at 120 kph deafening him, I had to respect his commitment to his gang, the uniform and the code.

The code that says: no synthetic blue jackets with body armour (they are for sissies like me), no full-face helmets (also for girly-men) and gloves are only to be worn in snowstorms. The code that says, ‘this is our uniform’. Looking at his contorted face (courtesy of the wind) as he flew by, I began to think about the way we humans love to belong and the price we’re prepared to pay for that membership. To our gang. Our group. Our church. Our click. Our team. To something bigger than us.

The Cost of Membership

But what I really pondered as I cruised along (it was a long ride) was whether belonging was more likely to be a positive or a negative in our lives over the long term. Is it always good to belong? When isn’t it? What compels so many of us to ‘join’?

Part of it is that we’re social creatures, and on a level, we love being in a ‘family’. However, sometimes in our efforts to belong, we compromise our values and beliefs, we lie to ourselves and we do anything we can to be accepted. Belonging (to something) can make us feel better about ourselves. If only for a while. It can also make us feel trapped.

Sometimes being a member of a group means security. Sometimes it means pressure. Sometimes it means ‘keeping up’, conforming and ticking the boxes. Sometimes belonging to a group can define us. It can also be where we lose ourselves. Sometimes in an effort to find ourselves we actually become a clone of others.

Many people want to belong to something, no matter what. The thought of not belonging terrifies them. Somewhere and somehow they have learned that they’re not good enough, worthy enough or valuable enough on their own. They’re deficient unless they’re part of a collective.

I’m not against belonging to a group (I’ve been involved in many) but I think once we all start to look, sound, walk and talk the same, alarm bells should ring. I don’t think my purpose is to be a replica, cyborg or mouthpiece for someone else’s ideas, message or mission. I think my purpose is to live a life in alignment with my core values. Whatever that means and whatever that requires.

If you belong to a group and you can honestly say that your life is better for the ‘membership’, then my advice would be to stay. If your membership (involvement in, or obligation to, the group) means something not quite so positive, then maybe it’s time for you to discover who you are beyond the group identity, the collective mindset, the gang rules and the weight of expectation.

It might just be the most liberating and empowering thing you ever do.

You’re welcome. =)

Some Discussion Questions:

1. Have you ever ‘lost yourself’ in a gang?
2. Have you ever lost a friend or family member? (no naming of specific groups please)
3. Are you a member of a gang that makes your world a better place?
4. What should we consider when we’re thinking of joining a gang?
5. What advice do you have for people who feel stuck (trapped) in a gang (situation, group, organisation)?

* Feel free to answer as many or as few as you like. Or… just add your general thoughts on the post.  :)

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Craig Harper (B.Ex.Sci.) is a qualified exercise scientist, author, columnist, radio presenter, television host, motivational speaker and university lecturer. For the past 25 years he has been a leading presenter, educator, motivator and commentator in the areas of personal and professional development. You can visit Craig's blog at Motivational Speaker.FREE eBook – So… You’ve Decided to Get in Shape (Again) Craig's FREE eBook takes 20 – 30 minutes to read, and addresses the REAL getting-in-shape issues based on his 25 years of experience. To get Craig’s FREE eBook click here, weight loss books.

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How To Stay Organized When Life Throws You a Curveball

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Posted on 29th June 2010 by Debbie Bowie in Featured


“Things went downhill when we had three family crises in a year,” said a new client who was explaining how her lovely home had evolved into a cluttered, chaotic mess.

It is very common for people to lose control of the order in their homes during times of crisis. Crisis situations that go on for an extended period of time consume time, energy and the motivation required to maintain an organized home.

It’s not uncommon for people to find that once they’ve gotten past the personal crisis–illness, death in the family, caregiving for aging or sick relatives, recovery from surgery–they have another crisis on their hands, a living space that is such a mess that they have no idea how they will ever get it back to its more orderly state.

Twice in the past year I’ve been thrown into crisis mode, first when my step-father began deteriorating mentally and had to have brain surgery and then when my disabled brother developed a serious infection in his artificial knee joint requiring surgery, weeks of IV antibiotics and another knee replacement. Both events were incredibly energy consuming for me because I was a key decision-maker, the coordinator of communication between family members, a key source of emotional support, and I had my own fears and other feelings to manage.

It was all I could do to get through each day dealing with the crisis at hand, much less tend to my small business and maintain order in my home. Those two crises were an opportunity for me to learn how to get through difficult times without losing control of other parts of my life.

Here are 6 of the important lessons I learned:

1. Identify tasks to be done no matter what.

Then do them! I am the money manager in our house. So, making sure bills got paid and that money was in the right accounts at the right time were two tasks I had to get done so we could avoid consequences like ruining our credit rating. Keeping us afloat financially during those difficult times helped ground me. I liked knowing that no matter what else happened, we were operating on a firm financial foundation.

2. Defer whatever tasks you can to other people.

Instead of trying to keep everything in order by myself, I asked my husband to do many tasks that normally I would have done to maintain our home and our lives together.
Also, people offer help during times of crisis. Let them! Last summer when I had bi-lateral bunion surgery I asked friends to help provide food and walk my dogs. They were happy to have something to do that would help me, and their help provided a type of emotional support I really needed.

3. Lighten your load by eliminating obligations.

It became clear to me pretty quickly that helping my mother and step-father through my step-father’s health crisis and staying healthy myself during that stressful process was more important than writing checks for a professional organization. I actually chose to resign from two volunteer positions because taking care of family and myself were the priority.

4. Control paper flow even if you can’t regularly process it.

You may not have time to do much with paper that flows into your house on a daily basis, but you can make sure that it all flows to the same place. That way, when you need to find something in that pile of paper, you have only one place to look. You might stack it in piles in your home office or get an open box and store it there. Just don’t let it float throughout your space!

If you want to go one step further, pull out bills and magazines/catalogs/newsletters. Put the bills in a highly visible location so you don’t forget about them and so they are easily accessible when you are ready to pay them. Place the magazine, catalogs and other reading materials in a location where you spend time reading. Removing those items from your paper pile will make it shrink and also make it easier to access things to read when you need a source of distraction.

5. Resist the urge to do nothing.

In times of personal crisis it is very normal to shut down because of overwhelm, fatigue, or just not knowing what to do. While it is important to take breaks to rest, recharge, and recover, it is not a good idea to go to ground and let everything go. It takes only a day or two for your space to go from being a peaceful haven to a chaotic nightmare. Then you not only have a crisis going on outside your home, but also inside your home. You have no safe place to retreat. Messy houses scream, “You slob! Why don’t you do something about this mess!” Make yourself do at least the bare minimum to maintain order, like controlling the paper flow, washing the dishes, straightening up daily.

6. Remember that maintaining a basic order will ground you during difficult times.

You may resist doing maintenance activities because you are exhausted, but if you override the urge to stop and plop on the sofa and instead do a few tasks to keep your space neat and organized, you will find that doing those things will help ground and calm you. You will then be better able to go out and deal with whatever challenge is going on. If you are physically incapable of maintaining order yourself, because of illness or disability, ask others to help you do that. Many people want to help in some way. Let them know that their help will ground you and facilitate your recovery.

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9 Ways To Manage People Who Bother You

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Posted on 28th June 2010 by celestine in Communication |Featured |Lifestyle |Management


Ever faced people who bother you? I’m sure all of us have faced such people before. It’s okay when we have to face them just once or twice, but there are times when these people emerge in facets of our life where we have to deal with them on an ongoing basis. They can be business associates, fellow colleagues, friends, or even family members and relatives. In such cases, we have to learn how to deal with them. Here are my 9 tips to handle such people:

1. You can only change yourself.

When dealing with people, always remember that it’s not about changing others, but about changing yourself. You can try to change others, but you may not succeed doing so. The best way to address the situation is to change how you perceive it and how you react to it. By changing that, everything else will subsequently change as well.

2. Draw your boundaries.

Be clear on what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate. Then stick with it. You have your own personal space and it’s your perogative to protect your space. By drawing the boundaries, even if just mentally, you are clearer of the kind of behaviors to expect from others. If you don’t do so, it’s easy for you to be pushed over by others, especially since such people tend not to be conscious of personal boundaries. You’ll wind up shrinking in a corner and feeling miserable, and you wouldn’t want that.

3. Be upfront about where you stand.

If the person has a history of spilling into your personal space, then let him/her know where you stand the next time you communicate. People aren’t mind readers, and sometimes they may not be aware that they are infringing on your space. Giving the person some indicators will help. If he/she tends to take up a lot of your time, then let him/her know that you have XX minutes at the onstart of the conversation. That way, you are being fair by informing him/her in advance. If you prefer to communicate via email/text/chat/other channels, then let him/her know too.

4. Be firm when needed.

If the person does not stick within the boundaries, then enforce them. Give a gentle reminder at first. If he/she still does not get the hint, then make a call and draw the line right there. I used to be very relenting in my communications. I would attend the person for however long it took. In the end it enroached on my personal space, and I wasn’t sure if all that time and energy I spent ever did anything too. As I gradually pushed back and became firm on my boundaries, I was a lot more fulfilled. I realized if I wasn’t meeting my needs, I couldn’t be helping anyone with theirs.

5. Ignore them.

Ignoring is effective in the right moments. When you respond, you give them a reason to continue their behavior. If you just ignore, they don’t have a choice but to seek out someone else. Not only that, it also hints to them about their behavior and helps them do some self-reflection.

6. Don’t take it personally.

Most of the times, these people behave the same way around others too. I had a friend who was very negative. She always had something to criticize whenever we were together. At first I thought she had something against me, but after I observed her interacting with our common friends, I realized she was like that with everyone else too. Realizing it wasn’t anything personal helped me deal with her objectively.

7. Observe how others handle them.

Watching others deal with the same person you find annoying can be an eye-opening perspective. Even if the person may be at his/her wits-end handling the individual, just observing from a third party’s point of view can give you insights on how to manage. The next time you are with this person, get someone else into the conversation too. Take a back seat by broaching a topic that’s relevant between the two of them, then play the silent role in the situation. Observe how the other party handles him/her. Try this exercise with different people – from savvy networkers, someone you find difficult to deal with as well, someone similar to you, etc. You will get interesting results.

8. Show kindness.

Often times, they act the way they do because they are looking for an empathetic ear. Hear what they have to say, and be empathetic towards them. Give them some friendly act of kindness. Don’t impose on them, but just be there and empathize. It might well do the trick.

There was once when I had a long talk with a client on an issue she was facing. Later in the week, I sent her an sms telling her that ultimately it boiled down to her, and as long as she believed in herself, there was nothing insurmountable. Many weeks after that, we were catching up, and she told me how the message was really encouraging for her. She normally deleted all her smses but left that one in her phone. A little kind act from you may take little effort on your part but mean the world to others.

9. Help them.

Beneath the facade is really a cry for help. Check with them if they need any help, or if there is anything you can do to help them. Sometimes, it’s possible they require help but they don’t know how to articulate it. Help them to uncover their problem, then work with them to analyze the issue and discover the solution. It’s important to still let them take charge in the situation, because the end outcome is you want them to learn to take control of the situation, and not grow dependent on you for help.

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I'm Celes and I write at The Personal Excellence Blog on how to achieve our highest potential and live our best life. Get my free ebook 101 Things To Do Before You Die by joining my free newsletter (unsubscribe whenever you want). Get my RSS feed and add me on Twitter @celestinechua.

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Wisdom, Your Name is Sir Ken Robinson

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Posted on 25th June 2010 by Race Bannon in creativity

As readers of this blog know, TED is my favorite website. I’ve sent my readers to that site to view many of the short talks given by some of the world’s most brilliant and inspiring people.

Well, now I’m sending you to one of their blog postings. It’s the first in TED’s series of community-driven question and answer sessions with notable people. The first notable person to whom they pose questions is creativity expert Sir Ken Robinson.

Sir Ken Robinson is the author of one of my favorite books, The Element: How Finding Your Passion Changes Everything. I find Mr. Robinson quite inspiring and I hope you do too.

21 First Date Ideas

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Posted on 25th June 2010 by Seth Simonds in Featured |Lifestyle


You’re going on a first date with somebody special and you need some ideas of what to do? You’ve come to the right place! When I first started dating, my idea of a date was the stereotypical cheap-dinner-and-a-movie. Don’t hate on me, I didn’t know any better! By the time I finished high school I was pretty comfortable in my own skin and got pretty good at coming up with ideas for dates. I’ve put together a list of some of my favorites as well as some suggested by friends. Enjoy!

I’ve decided to split the list of first date ideas into outdoor, indoor, and “safe.” The last section is especially for those of you going on blind dates who have no idea what you’re getting into! (Been there, done that!)

Outdoor First Date Ideas

  1. Go for a walk - This is such a simple first date idea but most shy away from it because they feel like they must do something complex in order for their date to be impressed. Wrong! The only ideas you need to impress your date with are the ones that you articulate as your conversation progresses. If you are an interesting person and have found a fun person to spend time with, rest assured that a walk about town will be just fine. Remember, the idea is to leave your date wanting more.
  2. Watch an outdoor movie – Going to a movie is pretty worn out in the world of first date ideas. You can resurrect it in a fun way by going to see a movie outdoors or, even better, at a drive-in movie theater if you still happen to have one near where you live.
  3. Create your own picnic – Pick a nice spot near where you’re meeting up and swing by a grocery store or take-out restaurant for some quick eats before setting up camp for food and conversation with your new favorite person. There’s no need to spend a lot of money. Picnics are supposed to be simple and you want it to be about getting to know your date, not truffles wrapped in gold foil!
  4. Go boating – The idea of sailing on a first date seems like a recipe for disaster but something milder, like canoeing, row boating, or taking a paddle boat out on a sunny afternoon would work well. Admittedly, the last time I took a girl on a paddle boat for a date we both ended up soaking wet with marsh moss in our hair. It was amazing though!
  5. Go for a run together – If running is your idea of a good time, an easy run with a new friend can make for a great date!
  6. Volunteer at a soup kitchen – One of the best first dates I’ve ever been on involved meeting up with a woman at 5:30am to serve breakfast at the local soup kitchen. Not only did we get to know each other better but we got to do something worthwhile that helped our community. It’s hard to come up with a reason why giving back to your community could be considered a bad idea for a first date! If you don’t have a soup kitchen or other short-order volunteer opportunity, be creative and come up with your own. There is always somebody nearby who could use some help if we are willing to give it.
  7. Get up insanely early and be the first customers at your favorite breakfast joint – You’ll get a chance to chat before the restaurant gets busy and have time to do some people-watching when the regulars start pouring in. Note: If you find somebody who is cool with rolling out of bed early to join you for a breakfast date, it’d be a bad idea to let them get away!

Indoor First Date Ideas

  1. Take an intro yoga or other fitness class – If you’re really out of shape, this might not be a great idea for a first date. Otherwise, pick a class that will fit both of your fitness levels and have some fun! You should know that getting hot and sweaty
  2. Visit a psychic – Everybody likes to know the future, well, at least a prediction of it!
  3. Visit a shut-in – This might not seem like it belongs on a list of first date ideas but if you step away from your preconceptions, I think you might consider it and even try it out. Visiting people who are unable to get out and enjoy regular social interactions isn’t just a worthwhile use of your time. It gives you a chance to learn a bit about the character of your date. Is he or she willing to spend time with people who are in need? If your date is unkind it will only be a matter of time before that unkindness is pointed at you. Seek the good hearts!
  4. Play video games – PS2, Nintendo, Xbox, it doesn’t matter. If your date is into video games and you’ve got strong thumbs, it might be time for a bit of virtual smackdown! Just be careful not to beat your date too badly at whatever video game you decide to play. You don’t want your first date ideas to turn into video-game-inspired revenge ideas. =)
  5. Take a music lesson together – Have you always wanted to learn how to play the guitar or some other instrument? Inviting a date along for a partner lesson at a local music school might be a fun way to start your lesson and get the much-dreaded first date out of the way.
  6. Go to a used bookstore – It can be a new bookstore if you insist. It doesn’t matter! If you and your date enjoy reading and perusing books, hitting up a bookstore on a first date may just end up being one of the ideas that sets you on a quick course to true love.
  7. Go gift shopping – Not for each other, but for somebody else. Perhaps you need to pick up a gift for your sister or some other relative and you need some insight into the process? Ask your date to give you some in-motion advice and perhaps even pick up something small for each other. Trinkets only. Save the cars and fur coats for later dates!

“Safe” First Date Ideas

  1. Take a cooking class together – Check your local community college or continuing education program for listings of cooking classes you can take if there isn’t a culinary school to be found.
  2. Visit a tourist hot spot in your town that neither of you has been to before – Even if you’ve been living in the same place for years, there’s a great chance that you’ll have missed at least a few interesting places in your community. If it turns out that your chosen spot is a dud, get creative and come up with a few quick ideas to finish off your date. Most will give you a lot of slack if little things go wrong. Just keep the conversation interesting and the venue won’t be such a killer.
  3. Attend a local film or music festival – It’s a rare individual who won’t enjoy a local festival at least a bit. This is a pretty safe bet for anybody but the most boring of people.
  4. Meet up for a drink – This is one of the safest, and therefore one of the most-used first date ideas. You can make things a bit more adventurous by visiting a jazz club or finding a bar that will teach you to make new drinks. Of course, you could always go and grab some bottled water. =)
  5. Visit a new restaurant – There’s a bit of risk in eating at a new restaurant because you can’t be sure of the quality but this first date idea still makes the “safe” list because it’s not hugely risky.
  6. Eat in – Do you already have great cooking skills? If so, break ‘em out for an early dinner! You might want to check for possible food allergies before you start sharing your iron chef skills though.
  7. Phone it in – Oh yeah, the date that consists entirely of talking into a small electronic device. This one is for all you cyber dating pros out there looking for first date ideas like you planned on doing something other than talking on your phone. =) All jokes aside, there are some benefits to phoning in. Sure, you don’t get to see your date’s face while you’re talking, but that also means that you don’t have to get dressed up or worry about what your face looks like. See? Might not be a bad idea.

Have any first date ideas you’d like to add? Leave them in a comment!

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I'm an editor here at Stepcase Lifehack. I know the value of long walks, good books, joyful repartee, and a well-made martini. Say hello in the comments here, find me on my blog or hit me up for a follow on Twitter.

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Eating Healthfully- A Long Term Vision

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Posted on 25th June 2010 by Leo in Uncategorized

‘Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day; teach a man to fish and you feed him for a lifetime.’ ~Lao Tzu

Editor’s note: This is a guest post from Chris of Zen to Fitness.

The quote by Lao Tzu above rings true for nutrition as well.

It is a shame that so many people are obsessed with fad diets in order to quickly shed pounds and reach their desired weight. And yes extreme dieting of any form does work in the short terms but only for the weight to rebound back on and the body to regain its original weight or the weight it is comfortable at.

I see people fighting their bodies all too often dieting one week then bingeing on junk the next. This is fighting the bodies natural homeostasis in every sense, one week it is getting less than it would like and releasing stress hormones to cope and the next week the body is being overburdened with processed or overly sweet foods in order to compensate for the previous starvation again putting stress on the body as it tries to cope with the overflow of food and chemicals. Others chronically under eat.

Sadly this process takes its toll on your body and while it could handle it in your teens and younger years as we age the damage goes deeper and effects our metabolism leaving us on a gradual path to more and more weight gain.

Contrast this with the people you know who eat practically whatever they want and stay lean and healthy — what is their secret? It is quite simply that they have never fought their bodies, never made themselves feel deprived or starved, their metabolisms never got damaged and this allows for good levels of energy and a stable healthy body weight.

This is not something out of reach but rather something that we can all achieve by having a healthy relationship with food. Some readers may already have this and hopefully this article will help you stay that way! This is not to say we should eat anything we like as certain foods can damage your body and should be avoided when you can, but I do not preach a diet of deprivation rather a way to eat wholesome foods which your body has evolved to deal with.

The first step is to stop seeing food as something special or magical and this can be achieved by feeding yourself well on a consistent basis starting with 3 solid meals per day. How many people do you know who skip breakfast have a mid morning cappuccino, graze for lunch then eat fatty meats, fried foods and sugary desserts for dinner.

The truth is when we eat healthy, wholesome meals 3 times a day our bodies reach a level of nourishment they may have not seen in years, cravings disappear and food stops being so special it becomes something we enjoy and look forward to but not something to live for. You will naturally eat less at meal times, you will feel fuller quicker without any effort, that ferocious appetite will disappear and you will eat more mindfully. It is just a result of your body being well fed and nourished rather then having to force any portion control …

The next step is to add live foods to your diet, especially if you tend to eat mainly cooked or white foods. Rather than depriving yourself of the foods you like introduce more healthful foods alongside them. I am talking about making a big salad with your meals:

  • Chopped Lettuce
  • Tomatoes
  • Carrots
  • Zucchini
  • Celery
  • A nice dressing of sea salt, pepper, lemon and olive oil

Have this at the start of every meal you have a chance, you may not like it at first and it maybe an effort to get down but this will soon change. You will develop a taste for fresh raw foods and you will continue to nourish your body. Try and do this for at least one meal per day.

Conclusions

This is not about ramping up your “metabolism” by eating regularly but rather feeding your body adequately allowing health to fall into place. Once you start nourishing your body good things will start to happen. Your energy will increase, cravings for sugar and stimulants like coffee will disappear and your appetite will regulate. You will start to crave healthy and natural foods …

Eating Healthfully should always be a long term vision, never look for quick fixes when it comes to health – Consistency is key . Building a good relationship with food will leave you with more time and drive to do the things you love.

Chris is the author of A Simple Guide to Eating Well and writes about staying fit while living life at Zen to Fitness.


5 Simple Ways To Spread Positivity

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Posted on 25th June 2010 by Seth Simonds in Communication |Featured |Lifestyle


My mother often said, “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade”. My father would quickly add, “then sell the lemonade at a fair price for a proft”. It sounded like a good way to live until I grew older and realized how many lemons there really are in the world.

Advancing technology has made it easier than ever to find life’s lemons. Newspapers, radio, tv, the internet, and close-to-real-time services like Twitter allow us to fill every waking moment with lemons.

So why is it that we often insist on spending the conversations we have with those around us on negative things? Why do we choose sour remarks and biting tones when we could stir in some positive remarks and make some smiles? Don’t we all have enough lemons to make our daily lemonade without seeking them out?

5 ways to spread positivity

  1. Practice pleasantries – A non-grouchy “good morning” to coworkers or adding “I really appreciate it” to required “thank you’s” are good steps away from negativity.
  2. Share some positivity – Find a good story each day and share it with at least three people. As you become known for being a source of good conversations and uplifting news, don’t be surprised if people flock to you!
  3. Save the lemon for later – When something is bothering you, don’t obsess and let your concern spill over into your conversations. Instead, take a moment to write down your next move to improve and put it in a safe place. Come back to your “lemon” when you are able to commit your entire focus on promoting a solution.
  4. Slow down your response time - In our jiffy pop society, it’s easy to get caught up in trying to respond immediately. There’s a reason “promptly” and “instantly” are defined separately in the dictionary. One implies the care while the other is only about speed. Making an effort to produce thoughtful responses even if it means simply breathing fully before speaking, will work wonders for the quality of your conversations. Eliminating the lemons will also help avoid tension caused by a thoughtless response.
  5. Learn to laugh with others - A joke or situation doesn’t have to be enormously funny in order for you to take joy in it. Instead of shrugging off the next joke your friend tells or trying to top a story, laugh. You may soon find that your sense of humor has expanded to find a smile in things you would have frowned at previously.

Being aware of the lemon in your mouth is a constant project. It’s easy to slip into negative conversations. When you begin to taste the bitter citrus, you’ll know it’s time for some positivity!

If you heard some good news today or have a funny or uplifting story to share, please do so below!

Image: Konstantina

I'm an editor here at Stepcase Lifehack. I know the value of long walks, good books, joyful repartee, and a well-made martini. Say hello in the comments here, find me on my blog or hit me up for a follow on Twitter.

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5 Strategies for Personal Empowerment in Difficult Situations

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Posted on 24th June 2010 by Debbie Bowie in Featured


My guess is that most of us would rather not spend much time in a hospital, unless you’re a doctor or nurse and love what you do. I’ve spent a day and a half in St. Mary’s Hospital in Waterbury, CT, with my disabled brother Mark who is waiting for surgery to remove an infected knee implant. So, I’ve had the chance to remember why I really like to avoid hospitals.

No matter how much effort goes into the decor, the cleaning, and the landscaping, it’s really hard to offset the effects of the negative energies that exist because hospitals are places with a problem focus. Illness is negative energy. Patients are scared–more negative energy. Family members are concerned–more negative energy. Doctors and nurses are typically overworked, at times doing work that involves risks to human life and dealing with some overwhelming and unpleasant situations. Whew! Lots of negative energy!

I’ve found myself shifting into survival mode with my own energy so I endure this hospital experience. Here are some things I have been doing:

  • I look for the good in every employee I encounter, even the nurse’s aide who won’t make eye contact.
  • I ask for what I need or what Mark needs as our needs arise.
  • I don’t take personally employee behaviors that aren’t as pleasant, helpful or supportive as I would like.
  • I stay calm even when I feel scared or annoyed so I can be a grounding presence and bright light for Mark.
  • I take lunch outside so I can shake off some of the negative energy I have absorbed.
  • I remember my life outside of the hospital and remind myself that this experience is only temporary.
  • I focus on how much I love Mark and remain detached even when he’s grumpy and reactive.
  • I appreciate the overall cleanliness of the building.
  • I note and feel grateful for every friendly person I encounter, from the person who made my salad at Subway to the receptionist who validated my parking ticket.
  • I congratulate myself for my patience with Mark and the waiting despite my own fears about Mark’s situation.

I figure if I have to be here, if this is where I’ve been led to make a difference, I am going to do whatever I can to counter the negative energies that I have no control over with positive energies I do have control over. I can control my thoughts and my attitudes, and manage my emotions and behaviors.

When you find yourself in situations where you are exposed to negative energies over which you have no control, remember that you can control your own sources of positive energy if you so choose. Here are some ideas.

  1. Look for the good that does exist. Feel grateful for it. When you deliberately look for good, you will find it. When you focus on negatives, you’ll find it. Wouldn’t you rather have a steady diet of good energies? They will help you more effectively cope with the challenges.
  2. Avoid reacting to others and taking their behaviors personally.                Pia Mellody, author of Facing Codependence, once said that people’s reactions have more to do with them and their history than they do with you, unless you’ve been offensive. So, observe others and wonder about their behaviors, but know that what you’re getting from them could have absolutely nothing to do with you.
  3. Stay in your own power by remaining calm even when others are not. “Shut your mouth and breathe,” is another of my favorite reminders from Pia Mellody. Doing that will help you stay grounded and avoid saying or doing anything you might regret later.
  4. Ask for what you need from people who are capable of giving it to you. If you don’t ask, the answer is always no. Only you know what you need. And, it is empowering to respectfully make your needs known.
  5. Don’t make requests of people who are incapable of responding appropriately to your requests. That’s a setup for disappointment and will only fuel your anger.

What would you add?

Image: Atencion

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5 Steps To Move Out Of Stagnancy In Life

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Posted on 23rd June 2010 by celestine in Featured |Lifestyle |Productivity


In the journey of growth, there are times when we grow and excel. We are endlessly driven and hyped up, motivated to get our goals.

Then there are times when we stagnate. We feel uninspired and unmotivated. We keep procrastinating on our plans. More often than not, we get out of a rut, only to get back into another one.

How do you know if you are stagnating? Here are some tell-tale signs:

  • If you have been experiencing chronic procrastination on your goals
  • If you don’t ever feel like doing anything
  • If you keep turning to sleep, eating, games, mindless activities and entertainment for comfort
  • If you know you should be doing something, but yet you keep avoiding it
  • If you have not achieved anything new or significant now relative to 1 month, 2 months or 3 months ago
  • If you have a deep sense of feeling that you are living under your potential

When we face stagnation in life, it’s a sign of deeper issues. Stagnation, just like procrastination, is a symptom of a problem. It’s easy to beat ourselves over it, but this approach is not going to help. Here, I will share 5 steps to help you move out of this stagnation. They won’t magically transform your life in 1 night (such changes are never permanent because the foundations are not built), but they will help you get the momentum going and help you get back on track.

1. Realize you’re not alone

Everyone stagnates at some point or another. You are not alone in this and more importantly, it’s normal. In fact, it’s amazing how many of my clients actually face the same predicament, even though all of them come from different walks of life, are of different ages, and have never crossed paths. Realizing you are not alone in this will make it much easier to deal with this period. By trying to “fight it”, you’re only fighting yourself. Accept this situation, acknowledge it, and tell yourself it’s okay. That way, you can then focus on the constructive steps that will really help you.

2. Find what inspires you

Stagnation comes because there isn’t anything that excites you enough to take action. If you don’t have a habit of setting goals, and instead just leave yourself to daily mundanes, it’s not surprising you are experiencing stagnation. What do you want to do if there are no limitations? If you can have whatever you want, what will it be? The answers to these questions will provide the fuel that will drive you forward.

On the other hand, even if you are an experienced goal setter, there are times when the goals you set in the past lose their appeal now. It’s normal and it happens to me too. Sometimes we lose touch with our goals, since we are in a different emotional state compared to when we first set them. Sometimes our priorities change and we no longer want to work on those goals anymore. However, we don’t consciously realize this, and what happens is we procrastinate on our goals until it compounds into a serious problem. If that’s the case for you, it’s time to relook into your goals. There’s no point in pursuing goals that no longer inspire you. Trash away your old goals (or just put them aside) and ask yourself what you really want now. Then go for them.

3. Give yourself a break

When’s the last time you took a real break for yourself? 3 months? 6 months? 1 year? Never? Perhaps it’s time to take a time-out. Prolonged working can cause someone to become disillusioned as they lose sight of who they are and what they want.

Go take some extended leave from work. A few days at bare minimum; a few weeks or months will be great. Some of my ex-colleagues have quit their jobs and took months out to do some self-reflection. Of course, some of us might not have that luxury, so we can stick to a few weeks of leave. Go on a trip elsewhere and get away from your work and your life. Use this chance to get a renewed perspective of life. Think about your life purpose, what you want and what you want to create for your life in the future. These are big questions that require deep thinking over them. It’s not about finding the answers at one go, but about taking the first step to finding the answers.

4. Shake up your routines

Being in the same environment, doing the same things over and over again and meeting the same people can make us stagnant. This is especially if the people you spend the most time with are stagnant themselves.

Change things around. Start with simple things, like taking a different route to work and eating something different for breakfast. Have your lunch with different colleagues, colleagues you never talked much with. Work in a different cubicle if your work has free and easy seating. Do something different than your usual for weekday evenings and weekends. Cultivate different habits, like exercising every day, listening to a new series of podcasts every morning to work, reading a book, etc (here’s 6 Proven Ways To Make New Habits Stick). The different contexts will give you different stimulus, which will trigger off different thoughts and actions in you.

When I’m in a state of stagnancy, I’ll get a sense of what’s making me stagnate. Sometimes it’s the environment I’m in, sometimes it’s the people I’ve been hanging out with, sometimes it’s my lifestyle. Most of the times it’s a combination of all these. Changing them up helps to stir myself out of the stagnant mode.

5. Start with a small step

Stagnation also comes from being frozen in fear. Maybe you do want this certain goal, but you aren’t taking action. Are you overwhelmed by the amount of work needed? Are you afraid you will make mistakes? Is the perfectionist in you taking over and paralyzing you?

Let go of the belief that it has to be perfect. Such a belief is a bane, not a boon. It’s precisely from being open to mistakes and errors that you move forward. Break down what’s before you into very very small steps, then take those small steps, a little step at a time. I had a client who had been stagnating for a long period because he was afraid of failing. He didn’t want to make another move where he would make a mistake. However, not wanting to make a mistake has led him to do absolutely nothing for 2-3 years. On the other hand, by doing just something, you would already be making progress, whether it’s a mistake or not. Even if you make a supposed “mistake”,  you get feedback to do things differently in the next step. That’s something you would never have known if you never made a move.

More Helpful Resources For You

Here are some resources that will help you break out of your current phase:

How About You?

How about you? Have you been in stagnancy before and how did you deal with it? What has worked for you and what didn’t work? Please share with us in the comments area.

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I'm Celes and I write at The Personal Excellence Blog on how to achieve our highest potential and live our best life. Get my free ebook 101 Things To Do Before You Die by joining my free newsletter (unsubscribe whenever you want). Get my RSS feed and add me on Twitter @celestinechua.

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